Sundowner's Syndrome : Elderly dementia after sunset. I am so pleased that i found this website today! I have been feeling very depressed and guilty, because I did not understand what was happening to my dad. My father was diagnosed with Parkinson’s over 1. Looking back, I realise that my dad already had sundowners, although it was not so bad yet, just bad dreams and hallucinations, with very little sleep. Being sleepless was and is normal for my dad, as he has always slept very little. I had better explain my dad a bit more, than maybe you will understand a bit better why I feel the way that I do. My dad has always been the “BOSS” of the house, his word was law, and even my mother had no right to express any thoughts, or ideas or anything. She was not even allowed to choose the colour floor tiles she wanted in her kitchen! My mom raised five children, worked basically like a slave all her married life (in the house) and had to do everything for my dad. He could be sitting in the kitchen, having supper, just in front of the fridge, and if he wanted something, he gave the order, and she had to stop eating, get up, and take it out of the fridge which was a foot behind him. He mistreated my older brother – both mentally and physically – basically destroying my brother’s self image – because he was a soft and gentle person like my mother – he was supposed to be tough and hard like a man!! I am the eldest of five, and the only daughter, and I can remember how my poor brother was treated. My mother would try to intervene, and it just made it worse. ![]() He was never physically violent to wards to my mother, but was verbally abusive if he did not get his way. My three younger brothers managed to get away without too much mental damage, as he concentrated on his oldest boy. As the years went by, I got married to a wonderful man, soft and gentle, the total opposite to my father. He has also caused that I am very defensive, and will not keep my mouth shut if I feel that I am being verbally attacked, which fortunately for me, my husband understands. Anyway, to cut a long story short, just shortly after my parents moved in, they were both diagnosed with cancer, my mother with colon cancer and my dad with prostrate cancer. My mother had a portion of her colon removed, and started chemo, but had to stop as it was affecting her heart badly. My dad had an orchidectomy. My parents were very young at this stage, just 7. My parents moved into their cottage on our property, and I would go in every day to check on them, take them shopping, library, etc. I worked from home, and according to my dad, I was available at all times for them, so he could not care whether I was in the middle of a job, if he wanted something, I had to get up immediately and do what he wanted, there and then! It caused quite a few arguments! My mother was finally starting to fight back, and refusing to bow down to my dad all the time, but it was too late. All it caused was that my dad was just horribly confused by her reaction. My dad was quite together, with only mild sundown syndrome symptoms at night. It all changed in October last year, when my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer – colon, liver, lungs, spine and lymph system. The night after we told my dad what was happening, he started with very bad sundown syndrome – which in a way I understand, for it was a huge shock for him. But at the same time, in stead of being there for my mom, placing her first and supporting her as much as he could, he just gave up and became totally dependant on her. He also became both verbally and physically abusive towards her, and I had to seperate them. My husband and I moved them into our house, putting my dad in the main bedroom, and my mom in my daughter’s bedroom (she moved out so that we could do that). I was eventually totally exhausted, as I was nursing my mom day and night, and also having to try and keep my dad calm and contained. The new flick Pokémon: I Choose You! ditches Brock and Misty, but there’s something that might be even more surprising. (Warning: this article has spoilers!). That stopped the day I caught him hitting her, because she would not get up and help him dress! My mother was the entire spill of our family life, and she was more than my mother – she was my best friend, my sister, my everything! I adored her! I love my dad, but not in the same way as I loved my mom. There was no way on this earth that I was going to allow my dad to mistreat my mother even more.
We eventually hired nursing care, one fulltime at night to take care of my dad, I took care of my mom at night, and then a nurse’s aid during the day for both my mom and dad, while I tried to rest and carry on working. It was becoming extremely stressfull at home! My mom eventually passed away on 2. February this year, and my dad has just completely regressed, showing all the symptoms that are discussed on the blogs here. We eventually had to let our night carer go, as he was gay and unfortunately my dad started saying that he was “fiddling” with him! We kept our day carer, and she has been an absolute treasure, helping to keep me sane! She works during the week, and we have just this weekend hired another nurse to take care of my dad on Saturdays and Sundays, while I take over at nights. My dad is on various types of medications, including 3 different tranquilizers and 2 sleeping tablets at night. He complains of terrible pain in his left shoulder, but xrays do not show anything wrong. Since my mom’s death, my dad has been suffering from UTI’s, and is now on a permanent antibiotic. He is constantly trying to get up, still does not sleep, in spite of all the medication, will insist of trying to walk, even without a walker, undresses himself at night, is verbally abusive, and last night, for the first time in a few months, tried to hit me! I have had enough! I am wrong, I know, but I have not been able to mourn my mother, I am so angry at my dad, for once more, he placed himself first and made my mom’s last remaining days on this earth more hellish than it should have been! I am struggling to get him into a home, because they are not all equipped to take care of him, and there are huge waiting lists here in South Africa. Also my dad never wanted to listen to anyone about making provision for his old age, so all he has is the proceeds from the sale of his house and a tiny little government pension. He has given my brothers a huge part of the money he got for his house, and now so little is left that my husband and I are going to pay a lot towards frail care once I am able to get him into a home. I am stressed, exhausted, cannot forgive my dad! I also feel devastated that I feel this way, which just makes things worse.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. Archives
November 2017
Categories |